Our Aspergers Teenage Boy

Doug had a long “chat” with the vice-principal and coach today. The two of them acknowledged that there are some problem children in the class and that two have been placed on in-school suspension over the assaults on Tommy. Doug explained the need for Tommy to be watched more closely and have appropriate social choices explained to him. I thought things sounded like they were going to be better. Tommy’s teacher sent home a note today. She “peeked” in on gym and didn’t see anything wrong. I am now convinced that the teacher will never tell us exactly what happens at school. For whatever reason, all she can say is “everything is fine”.

The bullying that Tommy is enduring is weighing heavily on my mind. Tommy doesn’t have the tools to know how to react to what is happening to him. Do I say no gym until they can watch him better. No, they “could” watch him better. They “choose” not do so. Doug wants to go to gym and watch what is happening. That would be pointless since the kids would know something is up and act differently. At least the bullying took my mind off what to do about next year.

Tommy’s school has nothing set in place for him to attend high school. Instead of creating a program for him, they want him to attend eighth grade again. I don’t. I kept him home most of the year to work on academics and when I realized that Tommy knows a LOT more than the school thinks he does, I put him back in the class last month. I thought that three months of practicing changing classes and learning to sit quietly in class was all he needed to prepare him for high school. I should have waited and just started him out at the high school in the fall. The school is going to hold the home schooling against me. “Because Tommy wasn’t in our class all year, he isn’t ready for high school.” The problem with this logic is that at the end of the school year last year year that were already saying he’d be repeating eighth grade. “Tommy is too far behind academically to go to high school. He needs to do eighth grade twice.” That was one of the reasons he stayed home in the first place.

Why do teenegers like to stay in bed? Control. It’s much easier to be in bed doing nothing than to be up having adults tell you what to do all day. By not making choices “should I do this or that?” they get to blame others for the things that go wrong.

I like this google search that found Tommy’s blog this morning:
01 Apr, Thu, 06:39:19 Google: why is it so hard for a 13 yr old boy to get out of bed in the morning?

Think I’ll have a go of answering that. Perhaps Mom will come back and edit this to do a better job.

Hormones: The hormones in a teenager and wreaking havoc on the poor childs body and mind. I think this leads to restless nights sleeps and mental exhaustion.

Attitude: Let’s face it, teenagers believe they know everything, that parents are brain dead, and school is a waste of time. It’s easier to stay in bed than deal with life.

Metabolism: Their bodies are metabolizing at much increased rate. During the sleep peroid let’s assume the metabolization continues but no nurshiment is taken in. So even in their rest their bodies are working but not being replenished.

Comfort: Teen years can be scary years. There is the embarassment of development, the danger of confrontation, the expectation and responsibilities that they aren’t prepared to take on. A bed is warm, cozy and safe. Why get out?

Dad Reports:
We have been looking into boarding schools for Tommy. As much as we don’t want to “send him away,” the break could be good developmentally for his siblings and the school system here is showing that they don’t have anything to offer Tommy. He could be so successful given the correct environment.

Dad reports this morning:
I found Tommy asleep on his bed. I had folded it into a couch and he slept on it as a couch not a bed (it’s a futon–very cool for a teen). He received his medicine at 6:20 was roused at 6:40 then forgotten while I typed and managed to stay in bed until 7am. Now he’s own his own while I take the others to school. Bus will be here in minutes and he’s not dressed.

Dad reports last night:
Tommy was trying to keep himself awake. He kept closing his bedroom door (less than subtle) and when we went to search him he wouldn’t stand up (again less than subtle) because he was sitting on the book he was trying to read–without his glasses I might add. After we took the book away he slept on the floor instead of the bed; I think that helps him stay up.