Our Aspergers Teenage Boy

Dad reports this morning:
Tommy just came downstairs looking rather groggy.

Dad reports last night:
The boys tried to sleep in the tent in the lower lot. I had explained to Tommy the importance of clearing a good spot on the ground and laying out the ground cover etc and up the driveway come the boys with the tent and their gear. I’ll be very surprised if they didn’t rip a big hole in the bottom of the tent. They wanted to move the tent closer to the house but we forbid them from having it near the retaining way and since it was too dark to clear the ground gave them the option of the porch or leaving the tent for their bedrooms. Noah didn’t want to sleep outside anymore and Tommy said without Noah it “would be lonely.” Noah admitted to being frightened. I think Tommy was scared and would not admit it.

I called to Tommy over the walkie talkie and told him “lights out.” Several minutes later I went upstairs to find him defiantly lying on his stomach on the floor kicking his feet and making absolutely no effort to comply regardless of request or prompting. I took his glasses and left him alone with the lights out.

Dad reports yesterday:
Tommy apparently had a good day in school. At STAR his new instructor has yet to begin communicating with us so I can only guess at how things went. Tommy seemed awfully twitchy on the horse and reported “the horse was in a bad mood” which to me says Tommy wasn’t being the best rider. After STAR we went to IHOP for dinner (breakfast) and the meal was going well until Tommy grossed me out by spitting through his straw into his glass of water. He was bored but to watch the crystal clear water turn a milky white was enough to turn my stomach. Shortly after the toddler had some food on her pacifier and Tommy offered to clean it in his water. I half wanted to laugh and half wanted to cry!

Dad reports this morning:
Tommy was not bad and not great this morning. He and I had one incident where the toddler was happily playing with a toy (a maraca type shaker) and he called her to give it to him because he wanted to play with it. I asked him not to take toys from the baby and he took it from her anyway after I asked him not to then I went to take it from him and because he started shaking it violently it appeared that I slapped it from his hand (a fumbled grab). He shouted “hey! what was that for?” and I just let it go. Overall it was a poorly chosen battle.

His bus showed up a few minutes later. He took his Dungeons and Dragons books so I anticipate his day will be himself reading for 4 hours and probably spending a lot of time brooding over last night.

Mom reports: I am steaming angry with my ex right now. I don’t know what he’s doing to Tommy but he is clearly playing mind games that are inexcusable. Doug and I watched a calm Tommy turn into a raging Tommy during the course of one phone call with this bozo. Tommy got off the phone with claims that he got griped at for not calling this man on Father’s Day. We were having a nice family dinner and a full day at the pool on Father’s Day. The fact that this man didn’t bother to call the children on Christmas, their birthdays or any time they are sick does not give him the right to guilt trip children. Then the bozo asked to talk to me and when I got on the phone he starts screaming at me for having Tommy in summer school. All of a sudden he says he expects the children to visit this summer. I asked him 3 months ago to tell me his summer plans and he never told me anything so I assumed his visit last month was it. Now he says “Well I’m busy over here and I just haven’t had time to schedule anything YET!” Well, it’s almost July now and school starts August 11th so when were you planning on making these plans? “It’s still June but I guess I have to e-mail you my travel plans TONIGHT before you schedule more stuff to ruin their summer.” I am sooooo angry.

Last summer he DROVE them the whole way from TN to MA and back, stopping in Burger King parking lots to sleep in the van at night. Then he left the children with his girlfriend and her kids while he went to work. Tommy spent HOURS unsupervised on the computer in chat rooms and signing up for things. I know because we got the spam. There was one phone call when I could hear the girlfriend screeching in the background that I hadn’t packed any underwear because the suitcases had been dumped and the clothes were all over the place. The children came home with suitcases packed full of dirty clothes and stories about how EVERYONE had to gripe at Tommy the whole visit. Sarah came back with several smart-mouth expressions that I had NEVER heard out of her mouth. Tommy was adament that he never wanted to go back. After tonight’s call Tommy is saying “I have to go to make him happy.” I would like to call a lawyer and ask for supervised visits and a parenting class for this ignorant manipulative bozo.

Dad reports:
Tommy went with me to deliver his sisters overdue paperwork in the rain and rush hour traffic. Making miracles on the backroads Tommy counts down the minutes until we think the Girl Scout office closes. We get there one minute over by his clock and one minute under by my clock.

He was quick to notice things like the 2000 foot (.6 km)radio antenna on Sharps appeared to be sticking out of the clouds. Was kinda eerie looking just hovering there in mid air.

Tommy was rewarded with a trip to The Round Table where a very nice and enthusiastic person openly talked to Tommy and I about the games that went on and RPGs in general and only toward the end of our stay when Tommy was getting frantic about buying something did he start to look at Tommy crosseyed. Tommy ended up going for quantity instead of quality and did not look closely enough to see that the 20 sided dice he purchased were doubled on the numbers so they are really 10 sided percentage dice. He was very angry with himself when he was in the car and realized what he had done “I’m stupid! I’m stupid!” We talked about accepting things and how worry and upset did nothing productive and how to be happy with what we have or did. He came around.

Dad reports:
Always know when Tommy is home. He enters the house with a loud “Nuuuyah!” It’s a guttural exertion noise as if the very act of moving is difficult for him. In reality I think it is more of an announcement “hey! Don’t forget I’m here!” or “I’ve arrived. Notice me!”

Dad reports:

Dad reports this morning:
Gave Tommy his medicine at 7:25 and he arched his back making a huge popping noise then rolled over and went back to sleep.

Dad reports yesterday:
I was out of the house all day and Tommy apparently had a pretty good day. Wonder if I’m his problem? I took him to his group therapy and afterwards he said “I wasn’t supposed to be there.” Last week he intentionally over flowed the commode (”I didn’t know two paper cups would do that?”) and was temporarily removed from the group for his disruption but there are no individual appointments available and Tommy needs his therapy! So the doctor has him attending the group sessions while waiting for an individual slot to open.

Dad reports this morning:
Tommy took his medicine at 7:25 then rolled over and went back to sleep. He tried hard to keep himself up last night. As we put him to bed we took his glasses and put them in the living room and asked him to not stay up reading. He agreed then went into the living room, recovered his glasses and read anyway. I found him at 10pm and took the glasses and hid them. He still kicked and tossed and turned and fiddled to try to keep himself awake.

Mom reports: Tommy’s teacher reports that Tommy slept all day at school. No big surprise. She told Tommy to try and get more sleep. The problem is not lack of sleep, but too much sleep. I have no answers. Tommy is very angry and non-compliant this summer. Tonight is our support group meeting and I have no idea what to do with Tommy. Take him? Let him play in the library, unwatched? Let him stay home alone?

Dad reports this morning:
Tommy received medicine at 7am and I dragged him from bed at 7:35. I needed him to sign his sister’s birthday card before she woke up.

Dad reports yesterday:
Tommy spent most of the day barking and yelling at me and the others around him. He couldn’t seem to get a civil sentence to come out of his mouth. If he wasn’t speaking rudely he was turning his head sharply and giving the evil eye, slamming a door, or pounding his fist on a table.

We had lunch as a family with the grandparents. Tommy and his brother were in the bathroom a very long time. Tommy had done well. He needed to use one of the stalls and was suppose to look after his brother so he had his brother in the other stall with instructions not to leave. Pretty smart! I recovered them from the bathroom because it was taking so long and on our way back to our table we were passing through the buffet area and Tommy picks his nose. When I asked him to turn around and go wash his hands he shouts at me “I was picking a pimple.” I asked him to step aside with me and I start to explain that 1) he was asked to do something by and adult and 2) even it if was just a pimple he still needs to return and wash his hands. He yelled at me again so I removed him from the restaurant. After a bit I asked if he was ready to do the right thing and he went and washed his hands only to return to the table to grouse and yell some more.

We then went swimming for the afternoon. Tommy actually played with other kids! He play shark in the deep end but wore out quickly and complained “why can’t we play in the shallow end!” He also played catch with some other boys but misunderstood how to play keep away. At first he was catching fine but he was throwing mean by trying to hit the boys in the head or make the ball fall short to splash them. A subtle correction and he played fine.

When it came time to return home there was more yelling. In the evening he hid under his bed, which is funny because he doesn’t fit under his bed..instead it lifts off the ground supported by Tommy, and read books to flashlight until near midnight. This morning he complains “I’m tired” but despite my explanation I am sure he doesn’t relate the action and the consequence.