Our Aspergers Teenage Boy

Dad reports this morning:
I gave Tommy his medicine, left him a note that his mother would be back soon and that I was at a meeting and he was to walk the dog. I returned and he claimed he had walked the dog.

Tommy is making moaning “retarded” noises right now.

Yesterday he groused around the house refusing to cut the grass until his mother and I suggested that he needed a different chore. We traded cutting the grass once a week for cleaning both toilets twice a week and he readily accepted..well, after trying to negotiating to do toilets one week grass the next and so forth. We (the grandfather took the boys and I) rushed off to the gun show and had a good time. Tommy was warned not to beg for anything so he saved it until the very end in the parking lot to beg for a keychain made from a bullet. His mother would have killed me. Tommy has begged for the gun show because he thought he was annoying his mother (which he was) but he needs to know that just asking to see an R rated movie, or go to something we disapprove of is not always going to get our goat. After the gun show we returned to the pool and only had moderate anger when it came time to leave.

Dad reports this morning:
Tommy awoke this morning in good spirits and cooked scrambled eggs for his mother, himself and me.

Dad reports:
It’s hard to relax in a movie with Tommy. It feels like smoking a cigar in a room full of dynamite.

Tommy enjoyed the movie, almost ate is fingers off, and only spoke loudly once. It was a good evening. On the way home he got surly when we told him he was to go to bed without reading. He got home and immediately jumped into bed and began reading.

Dad reports:
We are purchasing tickets (online..we Fandango!) and trying to get the count right so we ask Tommy “are you going?” he flatly says “no.” We almost bought the tickets without him thinking it may be a good lesson for him but I really think he’d devine nothing from it.

We bought him a ticket anyway. He changed his tune when I told him we’d beat eatting popcorn and candy. Food is his only love.

Dad reports:
Tommy’s grandfather dropped by. He proposed we go swimming, then to gun show, then cook burgers then go see Spiderman II. There wasn’t enough time for all that without everyone having a meltdown.

Tommy got fixated on the swimming..the one activity that in his mood Mom and I were certain would go wrong. He would be snotting at the other children, stealing toys, laughing hysterically and yelling when we asked him to get out.

Tommy was so fixated on the swimming that he was willing to not see the movie. We dropped everything and said, “Tonight we are seeing the movie and that’s all.” Tommy said, “I don’t want to go.” His tone, sassiness and attitude were horrible. We broke our backs trying to give him 2nd chances between lectures but he continued to interupted and create new ways to be rude and obstinate.

Dad reports:
Tommy has slept all day in the tent. He doesn’t smile and moves begrudgingly. I finally lost my temper with him when he interupted while I was talking to his brother.

Dad reports:
Tommy is just being a smart mouth today. He only speaks when spoken to and the answer is something snotty or intentionally stupid/abnoxious. He has gone outside to sleep in the tent.

We explained that the family is going to watch Spiderman II today and that he would not be invited. I suggested I may get a babysitter for him (which he probably knows I cannot do on short notice). He’ll just be left home. I’ll probably hide the foods he likes to raid and then I’ll disconnect the Internet connection.

Dad reports:
Last night deserves a special note toward Tommy’s recent behavior. Tommy really enjoys his time with his grandparents. They have to move his greatgrandmother’s belongings into a new nursing home. Tommy talks to his grandfather who says “if you help, you can stay the night.” (Friday nights are Tommy’s nights at the grandparents). I’m ready to head out and I ask Tommy, “Are you going?” He flatly replies “nope.” So I go outside and secure the trailer to the Jeep. I need to make one more trip inside and there stays Tommy shoes and socks in hand saying “I changed my mind.”

Once at the grandparents house we are trying to figure out how to get the trailer loaded and Tommy starts playing in a pile of dirt. A quick scolding from his grandmother and he stops. Later he will be found near the dirt but not in it. When questioned “what are you doing over there?” He responds monotonously, “I’m staring at the dirt. I like staring at dirt.” He wouldn’t stay out of stuff in the garage. When asked to take some small items to the backseat of the car (2 trips) he made one trip then suddenly had to go to the bathroom. I even confronted him on that one saying, “you know, that looked like you were using the bathroom to get out of some very simple work” to which he snaps, “I WASN’T!”

We finally get everything from the trailer and car into the new nursing home. Tommy helped unload but worked extra hard to try to do idiotic or annoying things. Once done, his grandparents explained that they had to pick up his greatgrandmother at 10am and Tommy replied, “I don’t want to wake up before 10am.” Much discussion about “are you going to be a problem” “why don’t you want to help” etc and finally I asked, “Tommy are you staying with your grandparents or coming home to walk the dog?” He decided home.

How do you motivate someone when they no longer care about the things that used to matter the most to them?

Dad reports this morning:
We changed a lot of variables yesterday.

1: We had Tommy go to bed earlier than normal. Since its the summer we’ve been letting him stay up late and for the most part we’ve even let him decided when to turn the lights out. I remembered that during the school year we said that if he got to bed before 8:30pm he had a good day the next day and if he went to bed later than that he had a bad day.

2: We told Tommy that the kitchen closes at 10am and does not reopen until lunch. So if he gets up after 10am there is no breakfast. Even when Tommy gets up near lunch he likes to have “breakfast” then followed shortly by “lunch.” His rules based mentally says there “are 3 meals in the day. Breakfast happens when I wake up. Lunch happens at noon. Dinner is in the evening.” If this varies he is thrown off balance.

3: We told Tommy that he could have no food at all until the yard was cut. There is one corner of the yard he has ignored for 3 or more weeks and it is getting obscene. There are some branches I cut that I also have been asking him everyday to move. His doctor points out that it is often less hassle to ask that a task be done and if the child refuses then you do the task and apply a consequence. Consequences of no sort seem to move Tommy now-a-days.

Result: Tommy woke on his own (granted, I stirred him at 9 to give him his medicine) before 10am in good spirits and declared “I’m happy and going to be in a good mood so everyone likes me and I get to play D&D with Dad.” So far he was permitted 1 pop tart and glasses of water. He volunteered to walk the dog. And thus far refuses to cut the grass.

Dad reports:
Tommy enjoyed the movie (Spiderman II), was in control, tried to chew his fingers off, and only once spoke loudly. In the car home he argued about wanting to stay up later.