Our Aspergers Teenage Boy

Dad reports:
Tommy spent the day working on his project. He changed midstream from the Trojan Horse to Odysseus’ boat. It came out ok. I feel we could have done much better but Tommy actually seemed to enjoy putting it together. It was a good first ever school project for Tommy.

Dad reports:
Today Tommy is being asked to do his school project so he has become beligerent and snappy.

Dad reports this morning:
Tommy sleeps in this morning. Yesterday we had no yelling. Of course, we asked nothing of Tommy. His brother had a 3 game soccer tournament that ran from 10am to 3pm and we required Tommy to be there but did not argue his sleeping (pretend sleeping) in the chair. He did “sleep” through lunch so when I had him join me for dog school during the car ride he barked “I’m hungry!” and I ignored him. He spoke not another word. When we got to dog school I told Tommy, “You said something rude in the car. It was a statement of fact and rude. Did you mean to say something different?” and he politely asked, “Can I have some food?” I said sure but that I could not take him anywhere. I gave him all the singles in my wallet and some change and suggested he walk down to the Weigels (probably 1/4 mile). His eyes lit up. He was stunned. His reply, “Are you serious?”

When his sister arrived at dog school she was so jealous that Tommy was permitted this walking/shopping experience that she begged to go and was told “ok but Tommy has to protect you” further inflating his ego. Have I found the secret to exercising the kids?! ‘Let them walk to the store for junk food!’

Tommy held things together so well that Mom and I invited him to join us for dinner out and a movie. Normally having Tommy out in public is like walking on thin ice. There is this constant tension. This night was not like that at all. He was well mannered and pleasant company. I really enjoyed being with my wife and Tommy this evening.

It was a fun evening!

Dad reports:

Dad reports this morning:
Last night was bad. I forewarned Tommy on the phone that sometime at the house we would be discussing the “grabbing of butts” and that he should prepare himself for a calm discussion. I waited until after dinner and until it was just Tommy, Mom and I. I began the discussion by saying that “we are not debating whether or not it happened. We are only discussiing appropriateness.” I tried to focus on paying attention and not ‘accidentally’ bumping into people. The conversation was never a conversation. Tommy insists he “didn’t do it!” and the conversation rapidly deteriorated into a shouting match that scared the dickens out of all the other children and animals, had me forcefully trying to get him to quit yelling (briefly covered his mouth to ask “please quit yelling”), had Mom yelling “I’ll leave!” (interpretation: I’ll take the kids out of the house while you calm down) and resulted in $100 and a couple of weekends worth of drywall work to be done and a sore wrist (interpretation: my wife asked for a divorce because I would not stand to allow a child to verbally abuse his parents). Of course the end result is that I am considered the “verbal abuser” and the likely cause of Tommy’s rapid decline.

Btw, we are not convinced that the “grabbing of butts” is not a gross exaggeration on the school’s part. I back that up with the fact that on Friday I asked the school “was anything out of the ordinary today?” and they still didn’t tell me about the substitute. The interview questions the psychologist has been asking are completely sided toward trying to have Tommy removed. The question “Just what does Knox County Schools think of Tommy?” has been posed to us as the result of such an interview. If the school is actively trying to remove him rather than educate him, honestly, what are his chances of success?! If they don’t want him, they need to find him a placement instead of trying to make him go away.

Dad reports:
Tommy’s optical appointment was for January 19, 2005. We got incredibly lucky and a cancellation put us on the schedule for today! (this is how karma works) Cathy goes to pick Tommy up from school and they “can’t find him.” (I too am personally anxious to hear the full story on that one)

Once found, Tommy gets in the car with Mom and immediately starts yelling at her. At the ophthalmologist a emergency patient, a dog bit a 2 year old through the eye lid and pierced the eye, puts Mom and Tommy on wait. Tommy gets antsy. When it comes time to put eye drops in his eyes for dialation Tommy resists and the staff has to hold him down. After the appointment he is all questions (”Why do you have to pay for parking?”) and nonstop chatter. Mom says, “It’s like he’s 5 years old again.”

Dad reports:
The school has called to inform us that Tommy wanted to talk to a girl so he grabbed her butt. Apparently he has done this to two girls.

The school’s reaction is that Tommy will be escorted by a teacher, vice-principle, or police officer at all times now.

Teacher’s comment: “I guess he likes girls a lot right now”

I feel steam rolled by Tommy right now. How can we help him when he doesn’t seem to want to be helped? How can we get him to walk the correct path when he is off in the woods knocking down the forest?

Dad reports this morning:
Tommy starts his day off grousing and grumpy. I don’t expect he will have a good day at school.

Dad reports:
Tommy went to his psychologist yesterday and before the appointment began he was yelling at his mother in the waiting room. The doctor had the fortune to observe the interaction unawares to Tommy. Tommy went into the appointment along with Mom and acted psychotic. He did all the disrespectful, noncompliant behaviors he’s been doing at home and highlighted it with top of his lungs screaming at the doctor.

The doctor pointed out that despite adjusting medications that Tommy has quit responding to therapy and is in decline and that “home must be hell.” His recommendation is a long term care facility for half a year or more of 24/7 observation and ongoing intensive therapy.

Off and on for quite some time we have warned Tommy that if he did not strive to improve he could end up on this path. Not long ago we confided in Tommy that his grandfather was making a recommendation of “finding him a home” and now its right up in his face. Needless to say, Tommy is stressed and reacting poorly. Yesterday I pointed my finger at him. We were in close proximity and he cowered and began bawling that I hurt him. My finger never contacted him. We are trying hard to whisper around Tommy and not react. I personally am trying hard to keep the kid gloves on but even with these precautions he breaks into tears and howls at everything we do and say. Everything is an agrument. His every word is an angry yell.

We all have our limits and breaking points and Mom and Dad have both slipped into name calling, begging, forceful removal from the house, idle threats and about anything to get him to quit upsetting everyone else. This afternoon I asked him to step outside and he dropped his 227 pounds (weighed last week) to the floor and yelled louder so I wrestled him to his feet breaking his glasses in the process and the puppy flipped out and whined, cried and barked begging us to quit. (sidebar: It’s nice to know the puppy wants to protect the kids!)

I wish I could snap him out of this.

Dad reports:
Tommy scored his first out of school suspension (I call it the “punish the parents plan”) today. On the phone I requested that they have all the details prepared so that I could assess that this was not a consequence of his Asperger’s. The school cannot suspend because of a direct result of a handicap.

According to his teacher he “had a great week” and we know he started off the day well. So what went wrong? I went to the school to find out and got the report that Tommy is “bumping into girls” (his way of trying to flirt and interact) despite having a class on proper flirting which included observations of other students. Hint folks. One “lecture” isn’t going to do it. None-the-less, I’m thrilled to hear they did an exercise like that! To have discusion of flirting and observation of other students is fantastic. Ok. Back to the back. The school tells me that 2nd period fell to piece. Tommy didn’t want to go see the school play so he turned bad. Took a paper clip and poked another child leaving a mark. Would that be like the bloody mark in Tommy’s side from when he was stabbed with a pencil earlier in the year (no report sent home), or like the mark in his arm where another student “poked” him with something? He was intentionally bumping into girls. Slamming locker doors making a general nuisance. And yelling at the teacher. All this was told to me at the school.

It could have been left there but at home I wanted Tommy to review with Mom. He tries to get out of it so I prompt him to describe his day from the beginning. He growls at me then says “First period was English. We had a substitute that didn’t know what he was doing.” *pause* *blink* *blink* Ok. The school conveniently failed to mention this. It is noted in Tommy’s IEP paperwork and well documented in Asperger’s children that substitute teachers send them over the deep end. Now I’m mad.

References:
Asperger Syndrome: Guide for Teachers-

Let him know, if possible, when there will be a substitute teacher or a field trip occurring during regular school hours.

Field trip, substitute teachers, parties and other days that do not follow the normal routine will be difficult…

Create a standard way of presenting change in advance of the event. A key
phrase like “Today will be different” may be helpful if used consistently. You
may want to explain the changes — for example, a substitute teacher —
privately as well as with the class.

Tips for Teaching High-Functioning People with Autism by Susan J. Moreno -

Prepare the student for all environmental and/or routine changes, such as assembly, substitute teacher, rescheduling, etc. Use his written or visual schedule to prepare for change.