Our Aspergers Teenage Boy

Dad reports:
Contractions very serious. Everyone rushing around. Tommy says, “So… where’s everyone going?”

Dad reports:
Tommy apparently woke having some subliminal recognition that his little brother will be born today. Contractions have started and Tommy is in rare form working up a big one. Every sentence an argument. Every word a whine. He can say nothing nice. He has successfully and unnecessarily increased the tension in what should be a rather calm day (relatively speaking).

Dad reports:
Tommy’s little brother had his 9th birthday celebration last night. It was simply a family affair with an outting to a pizza joint and a trip to the movie theater to watch Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. I was impressed with Tommy’s appropriateness throughout the evening. In years past, Tommy could not stand to allow someone else to have the spotlight and something like a birthday for a sibling had to deteriorate into a yelling fit or something typically negative to draw the attention to Tommy. Nice work Tommy!

Mom reports: It doesn’t matter if I ask Tommy to do something bad (clean off your floor) or something good (get your shoes on so we can go someplace fun), he ALWAYS answers my requests with “I’m thirsty.” It’s annoying but tolerable. What is really annoying is that he either doesn’t or pretends he can’t hear me lately. I repeat things three or four times and he still gives me a blank stare and a “what” or “huh” response. I think he just ignores me and hopes I will go away. Whenever I hear news stories about the police finding homes which have had a dead relative decomposing in their bed for months and years while other family members went on about life as if this was normal, I imagine that could be me. Tommy would just ignore my body and spend his time eating, sleeping and playing video games.

Dad reports:
Toddler: Where’s Tom?
Dad: Asleep.
Toddler: Tom likes to sleep a lot.

Mom reports: Today was Tommy's last day of school. He plans to sit at his computer, play PS2 and sleep all summer. That is it. I would like to see him actually breathe fresh air and interact with others. Other than taking him to my parents' community pool, I have no idea how to motivate him. I need to go walk the mall. I wonder if I can talk him into going?

Mom reports:
Tommy was funny, helpful and pleasant to be around today! He groused about getting up but then spent the day surrounded by people who know and understand him. He ate all day long and filled his pockets with trade show type trinkets (Tommy loves to have his pockets full of stuff). I know that tomorrow he will be in his usual Sunday grump but today was so nice that I don’t care.

Mom reports:
As much as I would like to devote my attention to the new baby and not cause Tommy stress by interrupting his routines, I don’t feel comfortable sending Tommy to his birth father’s this summer. The man hasn’t called in 3 weeks and when he does call it is only when he is stuck in traffic and bored. He will stick Tommy in front of a computer and ignore him the whole visit. He barely knows his own children, visits them for 36 hours twice a year and doesn’t even call on birthdays or Christmas. He only gives gifts during his visits because he wants to make sure he gets “credit” for the gifts but he also tells the children that their main gift is his visit because it is so very expensive to have to come down here. Children shouldn’t hear such things. However, there is an additional problem this summer. Doug’s parents have offered to take the middle children (Sarah & Noah) to the beach for a week. I know they can’t handle Tommy but I also hate to see him always left out. Doug thinks that Tommy is only getting what he deserves but I feel like Tommy can’t help who he is and think that maybe this is not the year for the beach. But then again, that would be punishing the children who are good all year. Why does everything have to be so hard?

Dad reports:
This morning I thought Tommy was going to continue last night’s mode. He really grumbled when roused for his medicine and when I cheerily said, “Let’s get up and start your day!” I was answered with a gruff, “What?!” and he rolled over and went back to sleep.

I had to leave early to get his sister to the school for a special event and when I returned I found out for his mother he was calm and good.

Dad reports:
Tommy has been doing so increbily well that he was intrusted with an extended stay at home and even went to lunch with one of the neighbors at a nice restaurant. We was thrilled with the day and did not raid the pantries or tear up the house. He was perfectly behaved and had a great time with it.

Last night Tommy began what could possibly be a crash. Perhaps it was talking about his sister’s trip to Nashville with the student council that set him off. He did comment, “Why does she get to do everything?” Or perhaps it was our pointed discussion about diabetes and the foods Tommy will lose if he doesn’t start exercising. In the restaurant, and I thought beforehand, he became spacey and slow to respond. He was acting almost as if he had missed his medicine for the day but that wasn’t the case. He simply wasn’t trying. In retrospect, perhaps the diabetes conversation was too much of an attack on him.

When we got to STAR he was just disconnected and sluggish. With the other children in the car we have to drop Tommy and go occupy the siblings which I think is counter to what STAR asks. I think we are suppposed to "hang around but be out of sight" although I think that’s not always followed. However, the children would be bored witless and would become a distraction so we head off to a park. We returned early enough to watch Tommy at the end of his ride and he seemed to do fine. I didn’t get to talk to his instructor so I have to assume either 1) the ride went well or 2) Tommy was so out of line that she was just too mad to talk.

Tommy got into the car and immediately started whining that his throat hurt. He snapped. He barked. And was generally unpleasant. At the house he tried to break into a full out tantrum because he wanted to just sit in the tub (probably drift to sleep) and we wanted him to scrub quickly and get out. He whined and wheezed and growled and moaned and nnyyanged and grimaced and pumped his fists.

The other children had settled and he was about to wreak havoc. I got down on his level. Made him make eye contact with me. I softened the tone of my voice and talked slow and softly. I explained to him that my patient was running out. Then I did a wrong thing as a parent. I politely and gently, using only words, explained to him that he was on my last nerve and what might happen if I lost my temper. I got up and removed myself from the bathroom. Tommy uttered not another peep. Finished his bath and went to bed.