Our Aspergers Teenage Boy

Mom reports:
As much as I would like to devote my attention to the new baby and not cause Tommy stress by interrupting his routines, I don’t feel comfortable sending Tommy to his birth father’s this summer. The man hasn’t called in 3 weeks and when he does call it is only when he is stuck in traffic and bored. He will stick Tommy in front of a computer and ignore him the whole visit. He barely knows his own children, visits them for 36 hours twice a year and doesn’t even call on birthdays or Christmas. He only gives gifts during his visits because he wants to make sure he gets “credit” for the gifts but he also tells the children that their main gift is his visit because it is so very expensive to have to come down here. Children shouldn’t hear such things. However, there is an additional problem this summer. Doug’s parents have offered to take the middle children (Sarah & Noah) to the beach for a week. I know they can’t handle Tommy but I also hate to see him always left out. Doug thinks that Tommy is only getting what he deserves but I feel like Tommy can’t help who he is and think that maybe this is not the year for the beach. But then again, that would be punishing the children who are good all year. Why does everything have to be so hard?

Dad reports:
This morning I thought Tommy was going to continue last night’s mode. He really grumbled when roused for his medicine and when I cheerily said, “Let’s get up and start your day!” I was answered with a gruff, “What?!” and he rolled over and went back to sleep.

I had to leave early to get his sister to the school for a special event and when I returned I found out for his mother he was calm and good.

Dad reports:
Tommy has been doing so increbily well that he was intrusted with an extended stay at home and even went to lunch with one of the neighbors at a nice restaurant. We was thrilled with the day and did not raid the pantries or tear up the house. He was perfectly behaved and had a great time with it.

Last night Tommy began what could possibly be a crash. Perhaps it was talking about his sister’s trip to Nashville with the student council that set him off. He did comment, “Why does she get to do everything?” Or perhaps it was our pointed discussion about diabetes and the foods Tommy will lose if he doesn’t start exercising. In the restaurant, and I thought beforehand, he became spacey and slow to respond. He was acting almost as if he had missed his medicine for the day but that wasn’t the case. He simply wasn’t trying. In retrospect, perhaps the diabetes conversation was too much of an attack on him.

When we got to STAR he was just disconnected and sluggish. With the other children in the car we have to drop Tommy and go occupy the siblings which I think is counter to what STAR asks. I think we are suppposed to "hang around but be out of sight" although I think that’s not always followed. However, the children would be bored witless and would become a distraction so we head off to a park. We returned early enough to watch Tommy at the end of his ride and he seemed to do fine. I didn’t get to talk to his instructor so I have to assume either 1) the ride went well or 2) Tommy was so out of line that she was just too mad to talk.

Tommy got into the car and immediately started whining that his throat hurt. He snapped. He barked. And was generally unpleasant. At the house he tried to break into a full out tantrum because he wanted to just sit in the tub (probably drift to sleep) and we wanted him to scrub quickly and get out. He whined and wheezed and growled and moaned and nnyyanged and grimaced and pumped his fists.

The other children had settled and he was about to wreak havoc. I got down on his level. Made him make eye contact with me. I softened the tone of my voice and talked slow and softly. I explained to him that my patient was running out. Then I did a wrong thing as a parent. I politely and gently, using only words, explained to him that he was on my last nerve and what might happen if I lost my temper. I got up and removed myself from the bathroom. Tommy uttered not another peep. Finished his bath and went to bed.