Our Aspergers Teenage Boy

Mom reports:

Lately I have felt like I terrible mother more and more frequently. I let Tommy down last night and I suspect he is more upset about it than he says he is. We were supposed to be in three places at the same time last night and with only two parents, one thing had to be dropped. We dropped Tommy’s open house at school. Open House is a time for parents to meet teachers, see the school and learn what their child’s day is like. We have daily notes, weekly calls and several looong meetings each year so, we KNOW what Tommy is doing at school. I don’t know what to expect of an upcoming school trip that Sarah is taking though and needed to attend the parent meeting. Dad is one of Noah’s Boy Scout leaders so he had to attend the den meeting. Yes, I know that Tommy is jealous that Sarah gets to go on a school trip and Noah gets to be a Boy Scout. I feel terrible that Tommy thinks we short changed him.

It is only going to get worse in the Tommy left out and Mom feeling guilty department. In two weeks Sarah goes on a long school trip to the Gulf Coast and Noah goes to DC for a week. This summer Sarah and Noah both went to the beach and to separate scout camps. Sarah visited her Aunt and Uncle who have a pool in their back yard. Sarah and Noah have both been to visit their DC Aunt and Uncle in the past year. Tommy has been nowhere. Tommy is well aware of how much he misses out on doing.

Dad reports:

Mom points out that last night was hard on Tommy. Obviously the school did a sales job on the students to try to get the parents to come to open house. Open house this year is not an "open house" as much as it is a parent orientation. It would begin at 6pm with a thirty minute speech to the parents who would then disband for similar scenerios in the teachers rooms. Frankly I don’t need to be talked to for hour and a half about things that I already know or don’t apply to my child. Last year we were at the school more than many parents will be during their child’s entire four years!

An open house should be just that. A pseudo self-guided tour of the school with student leading parent through his schedule and introducing them for brief nicities with the teachers. And to leave with packets of rules, requests and other useful information.

Tommy was jazzed. He felt that open house was some kind of amuzement that he was missing out on. He was excited about this "really cool" film to be shown and overall felt that this event was somehow for him.

We had a 6:30pm meeting at his sister’s school regarding her trip to Daulphin Island and had to be there to get questions answered about how the hurricane would impact the trip. We also had a 6:30pm boy scout meeting for his brother. Does this leave Tommy on the ropes? On this night it does but his siblings make countless concessions for his horse riding, therapy appointments and other activities centered on Tommy. On this night it was fair and we couldn’t possibly be in all locations at once. Had it been a true open house I would have made an effort to swing by the school from 6-6:15.

Dad reports:

Tommy has been doing so well that Mom and I were prepared to recommend that his medicine be further reduced. His school reports are exceptional. However, our mornings are becoming gruff and the bus driver reports "well, we have our days."

This morning Tommy wouldn’t get out of bed. Everytime I spoke to him he gritted his teeth, whined &quot’Neeeeyaaahng" and rocked his body like a weeble wobble left to right. It didn’t matter what I said to him I received an agitated response. I will say that when I spoke to him directly about his actions that he was able to pull himself together immediately and talk maturely to me.

Tommy didn’t get himself out of bed in time for breakfast this morning. He viewed that his sister was pouring herself a bowl of cereal at the same time his bus arrived as "unfair" and slammed the door on his way out. I made him come back and close the door nicely and begged him to have a good day at school.

Maybe I need to return to letting Tommy and his brother play the Playstation before school. It seemed to incentivize him to get out of bed early and be cheery. Perhaps we have been focusing too much on the negative and not rewarding the wealth of positives Tommy is giving. I’m going to focus on pumping him up and making sure I’m ignoring the small stuff.