Our Aspergers Teenage Boy

Dad reports:

Sometimes as Tommy heads to school he hollers, "bye!" and I do the same. Today I happened to give him a critical eye as he prepared to walk out the door. His belly protruded from his shirt and his arms buldged in his sleeves that reminded me of Lou Ferrigno about to bust through his clothing. Tommy was dressed but still wearing his sleep shirt (Tommy prefers medical scrubs), and one that needs to go away. As I type this it occurs to me deoderant probably didn’t come into play this morning. I felt relieved that he didn’t go to school that way. He would have received quite a good teasing. It’s 2.7° C outside and I could not convince him to take a coat.

Aspies, as hyper-focused as they can be on something, can be equally as unfocused on other things. We all have walked around oblivious to our fly being open and we joke about forgetting to wear our pants on our wedding day but people point these things out to us and we laugh them away. Would Tommy have eventually noticed or if someone pointed it out would he have just smiled? In either case would he have called home for a shirt or just carried on?

Hygiene is a constant issue with an Aspie (any teenager for that matter). With an Aspie it seems to be more of a battle. More than one bath a day is out of the question. Being told that "you smell funny" is down right insulting and a point for agrument "I do not!" Last night I asked, "when was the last time you brushed your teeth?" To which the reply was, "uuh. I can’t remember." Thank goodness we have the desire for routine on our side. Now as parents we simply have to be diligent police until the habit forms.

Dad reports:

Tonight’s Knoxville Asperger Support Group meeting (3 people) was better than last month’s (0 people). It was a energetic meeting and we had so much fun talking that we ran almost until the library closed.

Near closing, I try to pay my fines but they can’t make change and although I try to joke with the librarian he is stiff and business-like with me. Tommy walks up to check out two Forbidden Realms books and the librarian perks up and starts asking, "have you read the one by this author about the villian? It’s a much better series!" I waited to see how Tommy reacted and if he would engage. Tommy chose to look at the floor and grunt a little. I must give him credit. He didn’t look as uncomfortable as that sentence implies but obviously didn’t know what to say. In the end, I had to prompt for a "thank you" and he was genuine in his saying so.

That is a classic depiction of an Asperger social situation. However, we have all been in such a situation. Call it shyness. Call it awkwardness. We all can empathise. So why are we not all Aspie? I’d guess that the Aspie feels this was almost all the time.

Mom reports: Yesterday Tommy’s teacher asked us if Tommy is on the vocational or college track so she can get his class schedule for next year finished. It’s a question that should have been asked last year but I still found it difficult to answer. Lots of people with Aspergers can and do go to college. I just don’t think it is right for Tommy. He would refuse to participate in foundation courses and no professor is going to tolerate Tommy making noises and fidgeting during class. I don’t want to sound like I don’t believe in Tommy. I believe Tommy is incredibly intelligent and we will never really know how smart he is because of his uncooperativeness during standardized testing. I long ago decided that Tommy needed a technical education that would allow him to focus on something that interests him. Unfortunately, his only interests right now are computer games, reading and sleeping. The school gave him an interest survey. It said he should work with airplanes. Since he just finished reading World War II books about airplanes, that is not really a surprise. However, last year he read all the library books about dragons, so last year he would have tested as an anthropologist or science fiction editor. In the end, it should be Tommy’s choice, but he won’t focus on the future. He seems to have no opinion when I try and discuss this with him. Without any input from him, I asked the teacher to pursue the vocational track. I feel sad but convinced it is the right decision. Now if I could just figure out what he would be happy doing. Most people graduate college and wander for years but I am supposed to make my child’s future plans right now?

This is a 4 day weekend for the children and Tommy has already declared his intent to play online for 36 hours straight. Part of me thinks that is incredibly unhealthy but another part of me knows how important it is to set goals (even silly ones). 

Mom reports:
The lovely Julie sent this link. Be sure to read all of the comments.

Dad reports:

Tommy loves to soak in the tub. He can make a bath last 1.5 hours! The one thing he loves more than soaking in the tub is fighting taking a bath. He will spend half an hour to an hour avoiding getting it the bath. It’s quite impressive! Usually it goes something like this:

Dad: Get a bath.
Tommy: Do I have to?

Now there is a back and forth and debate over whether or not he really needs a bath and can he do it later (coming evening or next morning). He uses the debate as a tool to stay out of the bath and if the rents are paying attention he can drag it on.

Tommy walks to the hallway and stares vacantly until called down.
Dad: What are you doing?
Tommy: I forgot.
pause
Tommy: Oh yeah. Getting a towel.
This repeats for clothing, deoderant and so forth.

Now, baths have rules. For Tommy, the clothing that he will wear must be laid out beforehand. So, if something critical is still in the dryer or unfolded in the clean laundry, no bathing can occur even if it is promised that the clothing will be ready for him before he gets out. Naturally this buys him several minutes.

Next comes the back and forth. His technique here is to see how many different conversations he can engage Mom and Dad in. If Mom and Dad aren’t paying attention, they can be sucked into “educational” discussions that are merely cons to delay entering the bath. He is quite good at these. Walk to the bathroom; come out and ask a question; walk back to the bathroom; come out ask another question; and repeat as long as possible.

Now for the long sit. Prior to a bath, a 30+ minute meditation occurs on the ivory throne. If he managed to sneak a book in with him he can stretch this out to an hour plus.

Eventually we hear water running and the parental mantra changes to “Get done and get out!”