Our Aspergers Teenage Boy

Our experience with Tommy and churches can be summed up as the churches don’t want him. ( slightly related horrible story) Even his grandparent’s church, that formed a class for special needs people and sent people away for training, turned Tommy away by declaring "he can be here but needs an adult to stay with him in the class." That would have been a year or two ago.

This past Sunday Tommy, Evan, Mom and I decided to make an appearance at the grandparent’s church where Sarah, Noah and Amy also attend. West Park Baptist Church has a recent addition called The Hub, their student center, is focused on middle school and high school students. It is a really neat place with Xboxes, foosball, pool, and an auditorium set up like a Hardrock Cafe. We were halfway between the adult Sunday school classroom buildings and The Hub when Mom recommended that Tommy head to the sanctuary and read until classes were done. I suggested he check out The Hub. A class of 5-8 people was being held just outside The Hub’s back entrance.

Kick in teenage awkwardness. Any teenager would be uncomfortable approaching a new situation and new people. Tommy turns his body toward the sanctuary. I stop him and suggest that he simply walk into The Hub’s back door, pass through, exit the front door, and go to the sanctuary. He does! And we head to adult Sunday school.

After Sunday school we head to the sanctuary where we expect to find Tommy but he is AWOL. We give him some time to show up and the service starts so I exit to seek him out. I assume he simply became entranced with a game at The Hub but he is not there. Instead I find Mark who guided Sarah on a recent rock climbing trip and we have some pleasant conversation. He teaches the high schoolers and takes a few minutes to tell me about The Hub and we talk about Tommy. As I return to the sanctuary, I find Tommy sitting outside in a tucked away corner deeply lost in his book (The Cockoo’s Egg by Cliff Stoll) and I get an inspiration.

I prompt Tommy to follow me about the same time Mom comes out to see if I’ve found him. Tommy and Mom follow me to The Hub where I intend to introduce Tommy to Mark in hopes that Mark will be able to introduce Tommy to a couple of kids his age. When we reach The Hub, I ask for Mark but instead of being told "he is teaching a class" the person interupts the class and pulls Mark out. I felt so bad then before I know it Mark has invited Tommy into the class, Tommy accepts, and Mom and I are left staring blankly at a door behind which Tommy has disappeared with no warnings, no instructions and no plan. Mom, aghast, declares, "that was wrong."

Evan, at 10 months, is spending his first time ever in the nursery. I am not worried about Evan. But I can’t sit still worrying about Tommy. I finally walk over and peek in the window to see Tommy’s book on the table closed, and Tommy not talking but listening intently with no fidgetting!

Afterwards, I apologise to Mark for interupting his class and he insists it was fine. He also claims Tommy did great and goes on to invite him back. I talk further about Tommy’s lack of understanding of social skills and how he might be rude while thinking he is joking. Mark says he can handle it. When I tell him of our past attempts at getting Tommy into church Mark enthusiastically says, "not only do I hope he comes back. I want him to come back." Tommy reports that he had a great time and "wants to attend regularly." Perhaps we will return in two weeks and hope for an equally pleasant experience.