It’s a familiar joke in the industry that many of the hardcore programmers in IT strongholds like Intel, Adobe, and Silicon Graphics - coming to work early, leaving late, sucking down Big Gulps in their cubicles while they code for hours - are residing somewhere in Asperger’s domain. Kathryn Stewart, director of the Orion Academy, a high school for high-functioning kids in Moraga, California, calls Asperger’s syndrome “the engineers’ disorder.” Bill Gates is regularly diagnosed in the press: His single-minded focus on technical minutiae, rocking motions, and flat tone of voice are all suggestive of an adult with some trace of the disorder. Dov’s father told me that his friends in the Valley say many of their coworkers “could be diagnosed with ODD - they’re odd.” In Microserfs, novelist Douglas Coupland observes, “I think all tech people are slightly autistic.” Source
Many articles and blogs reference the possibility of Bill Gates as having Asperger’s Syndrome but it is a spectrum disorder. I think we can look at anyone and declare, "ah ha! You did ___ so you have it too!" and I think that people in extraordinary circumstances, be it special needs like Asperger’s or needing a wheelchair or deaf or whatever the case, find comfort in associating with celebrities in the same situation. And that is ok because we all need our heroes!
The upcoming meeting dates for the Knoxville Asperger Support Group are:
January 22, 2007 (Please note this is the 4th Monday, not the 3rd, as the library is closed on January 15th)
February 19, 2007
March 19, 2007
April 16, 2007
May 21, 2007
The support group has a Yahoo Group which can be found on http://groups.yahoo.com/ by searching for Knoxville_Aspie_Support. It meets the third Monday of every month unless there is a conflict or holiday (such as this month) at the West Branch of the Knoxville Public Library (map) at 100 Golfclub Rd from 6pm to 7:30pm.
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In 2004, against the wishes of my wife, I started off every day with a reference to Paypal. Both the anti-breeders and Juliet Pain have called me out on it. I explained the paypal links here. I put the Paypal references up against the better judgment of my wife. They were tacky. They don’t show up in current posts and hopefully over time will disappear from the archives.
As I remember my teen years I recall seeking independence, never wanting to show weakness, and touting knowledge where I had none. So, this morning I ask Tommy to boil some water for me and 15 minutes later or so it occurs to me that I still had no boiling water. Upon inspecting the stove I found the tea kettle on a burner on medium heat. Our knobs are labeled 1 to 10 with 1 being low and 10 being high. Tommy chose 5.
Tommy loves to cook and does a very good job. He particularly likes baking cookies. He has been in the kitchen enough to know his way around.
When we label someone, Asperger for instance, we create an outlet to funnel excuses. "He does that because of his Aspergers." This is ok because the child does have Aspergers and the parent needs a coping mechanism to deal with the child’s behavior. Unfortunately for the child, and the parent, the funnel is sometimes too large and sucks normal things into it; our children fall under a huge microscope. Where an undiagnosed child many do something, like set the burner to 5 to boil water, we laugh it off and declare it "cute" but with a labeled child we sigh and feel the need to teach, counsel, and tutor the child over something normal.
Today may have been the first time Tommy has boiled water. Perhaps he was not fully awake and turned the burner to the commonly used medium heat. Maybe he simply did not have the knowledge and like any other teen would rather risk being wrong than show weakness by asking for help.
A couple of years ago we took all the children to Harry Potter’s birthday party, or maybe it was a book release. I took a moment to objectively look at the coward. I saw my family not as my family but just as other people in the bookstore. My children were having fun but each of them exhibited more discipline and better behavior than many of the other children. It was at that point that I realized the techniques, fights, disciplines, and micromanaging of Tommy over the years had trickled down through all the children. I had to ask myself if we had been overbearing parents and I honestly answered no; they are simply well adjusted, happy children with good manners. However, I did come to the realization at that point that Tommy had succeeded where many people thought he would fail. And we as parents could lighten up and not assume every little behavior is related to Aspergers. For instance, there is nothing in our DNA that inherently makes us know that you boil water on high.
As Tommy approaches graduation from high school, the question of "what will he do?" comes up more frequently. He has such talent. Can he apply himself?
We have officially moved the blog to http://aspergerteen.com/. We have not yet been able to move the comments but those will follow soon. We also need to work on the template but that will come. Now that the blog is moved, we can begin posting again.
Two Wednesday’s ago I dropped Tommy of at STAR and ran off to do an errand. Upon my return I am stunned, and unfortunately cameraless, seeing Tommy riding off lead! For the past 5 years (maybe 6) that Tommy has participated in the STAR program he has ridden on lead. That means one, sometimes two, people walk beside the horse holding a tether and they have equal, if not more, control of the horse as the rider. On that Wednesday, Tommy’s sidewalker was near by Tommy was in complete control of the horse.
Last Wednesday I stayed the whole class. Tommy mounted his horse and rode into the ring before anyone else. I mean before anyone else! He took his horse into the ring and brought it to a complete stop. The next student came out with two volunteers helping him. One of the volunteers asked Tommy to start around the ring and he confidently made his horse walk. He rode the entire class without a volunteer or staff member anywhere near! It was incredible. I had goosebumps!
This past Saturday, Tommy rode at the annual Star horse show at Roane State Community College in Rockwood, TN (Harmond). In the Intermediate Futures he rode against 2 other rides and took first place. See his performance below.
Tommy was thrilled. This was the first time he had ever ridden in a show without an assistant. The horse he rode, Dandy, was skiddish and would have reacted badly to applause. Tommy rode with confidence and poise.
He tied for first place against 4 other riders in the Intermediate Obstacle English/Western. See his performance below.
Tommy also rode Intermediate Western Equitation against 2 other riders and received first place!
The folks at Shangri-la Therapuetic Academy of Riding have seen Tommy grow from an out of control child, who spoke harshly with insults to the volunteers and who was almost removed from the program when his actions and increasing weight threatened harm to the animals, grow into a calm, controlled young adult with a sense of humor and the ability to chat correctly and politely with the staff and volunteers. He has gained their confidence enough to earn the privilege of solo riding. Lynn Petr, founder of STAR, prior to the show, but in ring, gave Tommy a pep talk and asked him if he was up to this. She reminded him that not only was he in charge of his safety and the safety of the horse but for all others that were in the ring. Tommy responded non-chalantly, "No problem." After the show multiple staff members, volunteers, and parents remarked at Tommy’s achievement! Thank you Star! Tommy did great!
At 9:30am I roused Tommy to be social with his friend who was being monopolized by the 10 year old and the 4 year old. He actually rose with little argument and lacking the normal grogginess.
We are stunned. Blown away! Tommy has a friend! This friend has spent time at Tommy’s house and Tommy has spent unsupervised time at his house. Yesterday this friend came and spent several hours at Tommy’s house then we dropped off a nervous, giggly Tommy at his friend’s church youth group for 3 hours. Yes, we dropped Tommy off in a building full of unfamiliar teenagers with food, foosball, and what looked like band equipment and gave no warning to any adult! We dropped Tommy off in a potentially chaotic and possibly noisy environment where his comfort level was sure to be challenged. And we were relaxed about it! We didn’t really give it another thought.
Everything went well! And the best part, Tommy’s acting appropriately and very much like a normal 15.5 year old boy.
How Aspies view the world
So on the way to the church we ask his friend, "What kind of church do you go to?" And his friend, also Aspie, responds, "Christian I think." Ok. Rethink question. "What’s the name of your church?" He responds, "Two Rivers." I take a guess, "Baptist." Then I joke, "Baptists meet at rivers. Catholics meet in bars." The boys laugh and then Tommy’s friend chuckles, "I don’t understand the joke but it sounds funny." Mom and I agree that pretty much sums up an Asperger life. I don’t understand ____ but I can deal with it in my own way.
Milestones
There’s something exciting about sleeping over at someone’s house. The children beg to either be somewhere else or have a horde of friends spend the night. Tommy, with no friends, never had such pleasures. Last night his friend stayed the night!
Tonight, Tommy is having a friend sleep over. At 15 and a half, this is his very first sleepover. It may be about 10 years later than most children, but it’s just as important and special now as it would have been back then.
We ignored them and this morning at 5:30am I find Tommy wide-eyed playing the video game and his friend crashed out on the bed. I should have let Tommy keep going but instead told him to turn it off and get some shuteye.
I am very impressed with Tommy’s progress in everything!
We will document our trials, tribulations, good times and efforts to give our son a normal life and perhaps help other Asperger parents in the process.
